Alcor vs Hollywood
by The Other Girl
Summary: [Transcendence AU] Nothing can stop the Twin Souls movie. Not rain, or sleet, or snow, or blood dripping from the roof, or chanting cats, or ominous latin, or…


Nothing can stop the Twin Souls movie. Not rain, or sleet, or snow, or blood dripping from the roof, or chanting cats, or ominous latin, or…

–

"Oh," said a young fan, "that's so not fair!"

Her best friend shoved her lightly to try and catch a glimpse of the phone screen. "What?"

"They pushed the Twin Souls movie back again! I'm going to be a sophomore when it comes out now."

"I heard the set got cursed," said the third girl carefully.

The second girl laughed lightly. "Do you think it's Alcor?"

"Why would Alcor sabotage his own movie?"

"If it is him I think it's soo romantic! He must want to make sure they get his soulmate just right!" The young fan with the cell phone bounced lightly on her feet to show off her Alcor/Mizar wallpaper.

The trio fell silent thinking this over.

"Eh," said the third girl. "If he can't stop fanfiction I don't think he can stop Hollywood."

–

Eliza wanted to make movies. That was how she ended up making coffee and telling her parents she was really making progress in the industry. She didn't have the time to take care of a cat but she had accumulated an easy-going lizard.

Willis knew he could make movies. That was why he shook hands with soulless executives in business suits more expensive than his car and promised them swimming pools of money if they went with his vision.

It had seemed like such an easy win at the board meetings. Best selling book by an author who refused to reveal their identity. A built in fanbase with just enough controversy around them to get comedians and bloggers creating buzz for free.

That was several thousands of dollars ago, now they both had accumulated permanent headaches. "What's wrong with the effects, boys?"

The woman in change of graphics eyed him a moment before directing him to the computer. "Alcor. Alcor is wrong with the effects."

WIll stared at the mock up. The actor's plastic wings continued to flap as they went through the scene. The green screen added in blood stains and fangs but the result was… a little too Halloween. A little too plastic. "Can't we C.G.I it some more?"

The man at the computer shrugged. "It won't look real."

"He's a giant demon!"

"We could green screen the whole thing. But do you really want &ndra to do the big kissing scene with the air?" asked the woman in charge.

Eliza coughed lightly. "We can hire a vampire. They don't show up on camera."

The head of the makeup department glared at them all. "Practical effects! Just give us another few months and we can get the practical effects to work. Please. It's only like this now because you cut the budget."

One of the sound guys, low enough on the totem pole to get the job of reporting, stuck his head in. "There's also the problem of Alcor's voice. Well, the thing that shows up when we try to alter Alcor's voice. Well, the backwards chanting…."

Just when Willis felt the headache turning into a lovely migraine the light grid went down. Something had sliced through the wiring in the studio.

Two months behind schedule.

The casting of Mizar was blessedly simple. "You guys!" gushed &ndra. "This is so perfect."

It was easy to see how this woman had been a young teen idol for so long. &ndra was closer to thirty than twenty but she carried herself with a wide eyed enthusiasm that brightened the room even as the blood created tiny pools on the counter.

 _ **TURN BACK.**_

"You knew I was a method actress so you left me an Alcor note! Just like he leaves Mizar in the book.~" Her smile widened as she poked a perfect finger into the growing mess. The blood never seemed to dry. The cheap candles lit the scene surprisingly well.

"Of course, Miss &ndra," said Eliza carefully. It was certainly the least realistic blood stain she'd ever seen in Hollywood, which was a likely sign that it was real. What a terrible smell.

"You're so wonderful to work with."

"That's partly what I came here to talk to you about. Mr. Malco-"

&ndra licked her fingers. "You mean Alcor. I told you I'm trying to be method!"

"Not anymore," said Eliza. "Mr. Malcolm has declined the role."

"The movie's already half done!"

"I know, and the studio is blacklisting him for backing out this late, but he needed some time alone for the sake of his mental health." In fact he'd suddenly decided to move himself to New Zealand and volunteer his fortune for a sleep study being done on the sheep there. His resignation note from the lawyer suggested he was giving up acting entirely. Eliza had read the whole thing and found she was suddenly incapable of sleeping herself.

The star sighed lightly, sinking down in her makeup chair, the invisible people who followed her around proceeding with care and maintenance. "Well, we'll just have to get someone else. I don't mind having top billing to myself."

Six months behind schedule.

–

"We're not cursed."

Eliza was an excellent personal assistant. She always knew the best way to deliver a lie. "Of course, sir."

"Alcor the Dreambender rules multiple realities and drop kicks other demons. He can't possibly care about this."

"Everyone needs hobbies, sir."

"Can we summon him? Sacrifice him a chicken or something?"

She'd tried that and only gotten a rude answering machine message for her trouble. "That may be difficult to arrange."

"I'm told Mizar likes sparkles. Maybe a Hollywood vacation for her? Some quid pro quo?" Willis took another sip from what had once been a cup for coffee. His words began to slur. "Maybe we can ask Alcor to play himself."

The chandelier fell. They hadn't had a chandelier in his office before but now it had fallen right on to the desk. Eliza went to fetch the dustbin. Each tiny shard glowed pleasantly.

One year behind schedule.

Willis had developed a nasty twitch. "Now what?"

The latin expert they'd hired held his spell book close. "We got the Latin right."

There was a pause as Willis and Eliza both waited for the bad news. After a moment Willis willed himself to smile. "Good!"

"No, sir. Getting the Latin right when trying to recreate the summoning of a demon on film for a movie that's going to be released worldwide is not good. We're getting some interns in here today to dub over the pronunciations and we're going to have to reshoot the scene or edit the summoning circle in post."

"How much is that going to cost?"

"Let's just assume all of it," said the expert.

"Won't all the people like-," Eliza paused a moment to think this over. "Like you object to the wrong pronunciations?"

"They'll live. They won't with a demon wandering about the cinema."

"Perhaps if we re-edit it so the Latin cuts out before anything comes about-"

"No!" Willis held his arms out. "It would ruin the build up of the scene. Mizar and Alcor have been connected for all of time but this is the first time they've really gotten to see each other. The incantation gets lower and by the time it's over their eyes have met and she know's she's not a summoner- she's his soulmate. That's the whole point of the first act!"

Eliza and the expert both stared at him. Willis sighed lightly. "I'm a director. I have vision."

"Oh," said Eliza lightly. She'd forgotten.

"Fine," said Willis. "Cut the scene."

Two years behind schedule.

–

"Willis?"

His head on the table Willis barely opened one bloodshot eye. "Hmm?"

Eliza pushed her glasses to rest on the top of her head. "Why haven't we been shut down?"

"Because," said Willis. "The studio believes in us."

"Studios don't believe in anything."

The last time they'd spoken to the executives they'd been treated like death row prisoners.

"Because- uh. Because we're-"

"Yes?"

He bit his lip. "Huh."

"Doesn't that seem odd."

"What's odd is that I didn't think of that until you pointed it out."

Eliza glared up at the ceiling as the two thought this through. They'd agreed to believe the project wasn't cursed but plausible deniability could run out just like everything else.

Honestly if not for &andra they'd have no original crew to speak of.

It was Willis who brought that idea to a boil first. "Isn't it odd?"

"Hm?" said Eliza, who was still too focussed to function.

"&ndra never got nightmares."

"She seems a bit difficult to scare."

"Shouldn't a dream demon be able to handle a pop idol?"

They both thought some more. Eventually the thinking turned into a nap and then the nap into epiphany.

In her dressing room &andra sat in her makeup chair taking selfies with her crew getting ready behind her and goodness it would have been an impressive entrance if Willis didn't have sticky notes in his beard. Eliza ushered the artists out quickly so he could make his main accusation. "You!"

&ndra blinked. "Me?"

"You've been the one causing all this!"

"O.M.G, of course not!" &ndra smiled. "I'm the one who's been keeping things going."

Eliza blinked carefully. "Do you mean you've been funding us under the table?"

"Alcor isn't the only demon around and Canella is really understanding of my needs!" She put her hand on Willis's shoulder. "It really saved a lot of time. She helped me get my revenge here and there and, well, I guess she really liked this book. Maybe it's how demons show affection to each other, ya know? "

"No," said Willis. "I don't know. I just want to make a movie."

A smell artifical as her music began to waft through the air and &ndra continued to smile her pop star grin. "Oh, I loved working with you! So terrible that we have clashing visions!"

The smell was terrible. The smell was everywhere. The smell seemed to cling to them like a tight embrace until Eliza found her other sense abandon her. Only the feeling of Willis and his hand in her hand and the great stench that was beginning to break them down-

Just as suddenly &andra screamed. The smell was gone and the woman pushed herself past them, her eyes wide-

Alcor.

Alcor stood before them handsome (ish) and horrific (definitely) his shadow stretching out behind him, but just when Willis was prepared to let go of all dignity the demon removed his hat and sighed. "You're not going to give up are you?"

"Sir?" said Eliza dutifully.

"I've been watching you both for a while now. This book is wrong. This movie is going to be terrible no matter who directs it. You must know that, right?" Alcor hovered above them but he'd rearranged himself to show off his more human shaped face.

Eliza shrugged her shoulder lightly.

Willis simply held his hands up in the air. "I've always wanted to make movies. No one ever said it had to be a good movie."

"Don't tell Mizar about this." They both nodded but Alcor bared his fangs at them anyway. "Ever. I mean it. Seriously." After a moment Alcor lit his arms on fire. "Shake my hands. Then go home and go to bed."

"What about payment?" asked Eliza. His hand was very inviting, even when doused in blue flame. What a practical effect.

"You've already given me two years of your lives," he said. Though after a moment he snapped. "And I want your movie to tell people to focus on Mizar and the Woodsman instead."

Willis took his left hand and Eliza took the right. Then they must have gotten into their cars and gone to bed. The world certainly turned into a black and white film they were happy to fall into. How lovely to have a script again.

–

A year later in a Shack in Oregon Dipper perched behind his sleeping brother-in-law and pretended not to care about what his sister was watching.

Mabel flipped channels back and forth between the Whee! Hollywood Review and the families favorite cartoons. A director in a borrowed suit gushed about how wonderful Twin Souls was going to be. "Dip, when they make the remake or the sequel we should do the red carpet thing for sure!"

Dipper didn't smile. In fact he shrieked and hissed and carried on. But Mabel could see he wasn't as enraged as he once was.

Until he found out it was rated R for the added sex scenes.


End file.
